So Lifelike!
by GirlX2
Summary: Jack finds himself in a world where he's love and adored by millions. The problem? He's seven inches tall!
1. Chapter 1

"So Lifelike!" 

By GirlX2

I own nothing except the girl. Inspired partly by 'The Indian in the Cupboard' (Not the movie. Ew.) and partly by my own Jack-tion figure. Enjoy! (And a review would be appriciated as well. : ) )

-

"I'll get ye, ye black hearted basted!" A voice screamed.

Captain Jack Sparrow paid no heed to the voice, as he was concentrating on escaping.

'Gotta remember to drink the victoryrum_after _I leave the premises next time.' He thought smugly.

The dreadlocked man was racing down a deserted street. He'd just finished plundering an old house when the owner stumbled across him. He'd nearly taken a shot in the back while fleeing. The spoils were clutched in his hands. He hadn't gotten a proper look at everything, but the glinting gold sheen on the items had been enough incentive for him. He slowed down, confident the proper owners weren't behind him.

"Lets just see what I've earned meself tonight." Jack stopped under a street lantern.

The 'treasure' was rather enthralling. Gold jewelry seemed to make up most of it, along with a small crystalline bottle contained an ambiguous amber liquid.

"Well, I've never said no to a drink before, and I'll not begin now." Jack grinned, gold teeth glinting in the lamplight. He uncorked the bottle.

"Cheers." He raised it aloft to the light. It sparkled unnaturally in the dim night. Jack's eagerness to down the liquid, however, blinded him to this fact.

It coursed thickly down his throat, taking the chill of the night away.

"Bloody hell, that's good." He managed before passing out.

-

"…Yeah, well, it was still a lot cheaper to buy him at _Spencers _than at _Hot Topic_."

A loud female voice pounded into Jack's rum-soaked brain. He emitted a soft groan. He seemed to be leaning against something--strange, considering that when he passed out he usually awoke in a horizontal state (and with a strumpet, more often than not).

'P'haps that's what has happened.' Jack opened his eyes blearily. The air seemed to flicker before him, with spots of light rushing around. No one seemed to be near him.

"Just how potent was that rum?" Jack placed a hand to his aching head. He was still in possession of the strange bottle he'd acquired in the raid, as well as his pistol and sword.

"And my hat." Jack felt the familiar snugness on his head.

"'The Simpsons' are about to come on, if you want to watch it." The same voice came out of the darkness.

"What in bloody hell are 'The Simpsons' and why are they coming onto me?" Jack challenged the voice.

"Well, I'll talk to you tomorrow then." The voice sighed, ignoring the captain.

A red spot appeared in the darkness, and suddenly a chorus of voices sprung into existence.

"The Simp-soooooooooons…" They crooned, accompanied by music. The light suddenly grew more intense, illuminating a giant dark shape in front of him.

"Bloody Hell!" Jack yelled, drawing his sword. He jumped back, banging his head into a wall. "Ow…"

"What the hell?" The voice yelped. Abruptly, the voices were silenced. There was a 'clik'.

Jack gaped as light flooded the room.

The giant shape had been revealed as a woman. She was kneeling on a bed, and looking around the room wildly. Her gaze passed directly over Jack, but incredibly (at least to the Captain), she didn't seem to notice him. Wooden walls spanned the room, with equally huge windows showing a darkness outside.

The woman wasn't all that amazing, apart from her size. She was wearing a strange nightshirt, bright orange in color, and much to short for a decent woman. Her hair had been pulled back away from her face. She wasn't beautiful, but she looked pretty, even with the oversized proportions. Her eyes were dark brown, and her build was on the plump side. Had she been Jack's size, he could have gone for her. (Then again, Jack could go for almost any woman…) As it was, the woman was many times the size of Jack. She could easily pick him up with one hand, if she saw him. He gulped, trying to remain as still as possible. Granted there wasn't a woman alive he couldn't charm, but the idea of one being able to pluck him up as he would a glass wasn't appealing. Everything in the room (mostly odd knickknacks) was matched to her size.

'I've been taken to a land of giants.' Jack reasoned. 'Now how the bloody hell do I get out of here?'

"Alright, I've just had a psychotic episode." The woman muttered, staring down at a square-ish white object in her hand. "But at least it waited until I was done talking to Matt."

She picked up a black object the size of a canoe and pointed it at the wall near Jack. The voices sprang back up, startling him. He jerked slightly, but the movement went unnoticed. The woman was focused on the area the lights and voices seemed to be coming from. Jack snuck a peek, and saw the side of a huge gray box.

"Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems." The woman said in unison with the unseen voice, and raised her hand aloft in a toast.

"You've got that right, mate." The words tumbled out of Jacks mouth.

Her attention snapped to the pirate.

"I'm hearing things." She was looking directly at him with disbelief.

Seeing no alternative, Jack decided to do what he did best. Namely, talk his way out of trouble.

He flashed her a wide grin. "Miss, d'you happen to have any actual alcohol on the premises?"

-

End of Chapter One


	2. Wherein Jack makes introductions

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

EDIT

Its been brought to my attention that I fogot to acknowlage Geheimnis who wrote a wonderful story about her own Jack figure, and inspired me to finially get off my duff and post this one. While my story isn't DIRECTLY inspired by hers, as I had the idea before reading it,I would like to say her story is AWSOME.Go read it!

Now-Back to the story!

-

The terrified scream was completely unanticipated by Jack. He immediately dropped the bottle and his pistol, clamping his hands to his ears.

"Bloody hell, that's loud!" He shouted once she stopped. "It was only a question."

"You…my…The hell…" She mumbled, eyes bugging out.

"My thoughts exactly when I awoke in this place." Jack said. "Could you tell me where we are?"

"I've cracked up." She managed. "I've gone insane."

Jack sighed impatiently. "If your going to have a dratted breakdown, I'll just find my own way home…"

"No!" She shouted, standing up on the bed. Slowly, she got off the bed. "Uh, what I mean to say is, you shouldn't. Not by yourself."

"Ah, and what are the chances a lovely young lass like yourself would help me?" He flashed her the gold teeth again.

"First things first." She approached him, towering above the wooden platform he was on. "Exactly how did you come to life?"

"What?"

"Well, when I purchased you last week-"

"Purchased?" Jack yelled. "Strumpet, I'll have you know slavery is one thing Captain Jack Sparrow don't hold with!"

"No, its not-I didn't-" Her hands fumbled in midair as she tried to explain. "Look at this!"

She held up a box of some kind. It was clear, revealing a poster on the inside. A picture of Jack was centered, along with the words 'Pirates of The Caribbean Jack Sparrow Action figure. Rum bottle, sword, pistol, and hat included!"

"When I bought you, you were a toy." She explained. "And now, you most definitely are not."

"Damn right." Jack murmured, staring at the picture. "I'm not made of clay and paint."

"Plastic, actually." She corrected him. "But yeah, your definitely real. For one thing, you've cut yourself."

Jack noticed the blood dribbling from his hand. He'd received it in his escaped from the house. "Just a scratch, love."

"I'd get you a band-aid, but it'd be the size of a sling to you." She lamented.

Jack didn't ask was a 'band-aid' was. "What's your name? You seem to know mine."

"Dana. Dana Braxton." She managed. "Delighted to make your acquaintance, Captain Sparrow."

"Jack to me friends." He told her, secretly pleased at her knowledge of his rank.

"Right. It seems like we'll need to talk quite a bit to sort this out." She sighed. "I'd like to move you to another area though. Would you mind if-?"

She held out her hand.

"Ah, yes. Just go easy on the goods." Jack replied, hiding his nervousness.

Her fingers curled gently around his midsection. She lifted him slowly into the air. She made her way back to the bed, setting him down on a mound of blankets. He sank several inches, losing the tops of his boots in a sea of green cloth.

Dana stretched out on her stomach in front of him. Despite the strangeness of the situation, Jack had enough wits about him to steal a glance at her rather bountiful bosom. Once she'd finished settling down, they were nearly eye-to-eye.

"You'd better go first. I already know about your first adventure with Will and Elizabeth, so you can skip that." She said.

"How-"

"Believe me Jack, I'll tell you all about it."

-

Jack sat and listened in amazement. Dana had informed him that not only 300 years that had passed, but that the whole world knew of his exploits by way of moving pictures (A concept he didn't fully understand, but he let it go for the time being). Then, they'd further gone to create toys (Collectibles, Dana insisted.) of him, his allies, and his enemies.

"It's a bit much to take, love. It _is_ nice to know that the world still appreciates my magnificence." He said smugly.

"They certainly didn't underplay your ego." Dana smiled. "The question at hand however, is just how do we get you home? It seems like that drink is what brought you here."

"Well, I've left the bottle on the shelf." Jack pointed back to the massive shelf where he'd come from. "Would you?"

"Oh, sure." Dana grabbed tiny bottle, and handed it to him.

"There's a good bit left." Jack grinned. "Soon this'll all be a run-soaked dream."

Dana looked a bit disappointed, but nodded. "Yeah, you'd better be getting back. Its probably not a good idea to have a pirate in my bedroom-even if he is only seven inches tall."

"All depends on where the seven inches are placed, love."

"Sheesh, is it all about sex with you?"

"Pirate."

Dana burst out laughing. "Just drink it before we both lose our minds."

Jack closed his eyes as he drank. The liquid ran quickly down his throat, producing no extraordinary sensation. He opened his eyes, revealing Dana looking down at him anxiously.

"I think we have a problem…"

-


	3. Wherein Jack tries to explore the house

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

-

"…Well, was there anything else you did differently when you drank it before?" Dana asked.

"For the last time, no!" Jack growled. "I drank the bloody stuff, passed out, and woke up here."

"Well, maybe it wasn't the drink. You did say you'd taken some jewelry."

"Aye."

"Well, maybe one of the things you stole was cursed." She suggested. "God knows it wouldn't be the first time."

Jack nodded. "Unfortunately, the spoils don't seem to have made the journey with me. It looks like I may be stuck here."

Dana groaned, burying her face in a pillow. "What am I going to do?"

"Eh?"

"I can't just let you go out into the world like this. You'll get stepped on, or eaten by wild animals…or worse, found by rabid, Mary-Sue writing fan girls."

"I'll pretend to have understood that last bit." Jack said to the back of her head.

"You'll just have to stay here until we figure this out." She lifted her head. "Which means I'm going to have to take care of you."

"No one takes care of Captain Jack Sparrow." He replied.

"Maybe not, but you don't have many options at this point." She said. "You can't just go out like this. You'll be seen."

"I'm a pirate, what do I care if people see me?" He challenged her.

"If you get discovered, you'll spend your remaining days with government scientists studying you." Dana explained.

"And I don't want that?" He confirmed.

"No, you don't." She said grimly. "A tiny fictional pirate suddenly appearing would be questionable, at least. Not to mention, they'll probably hold me for questioning-even though it seems to be random that you came to life in _my _doll."

Jack nodded, lost in thought. Already, he was missing the Pearl terribly. Not to mention, relying upon a lady to take care of him was a definite step backwards, ego-wise.

Dana stood up, making the bed wobble under his feet. "Well, I'd better set up a bed for you."

"Can't we share this one?" His eyes gleamed suggestively.

"Sure, if your not afraid of me rolling on top of you." She countered, smirking.

Jack pondered this. A grin spread across his face.

"Forget it." She threw her hands into the air in exasperation. "I'll get something ready."

-

The accommodations weren't as poor as Jack was used to when he usually stayed on land. Dana had set up a wine crate for him that was nearly the size of his cabin on the Pearl. She had had dug up a doll bed that was a tad on the large side, but was comfortable enough. She'd even thrown in a few chairs, though he doubted he'd be using them. The room had no doors, but Jack could scale the walls easily, if he needed to.

"Tomorrow I'll see about something a bit more permanent." Dana told him. Jack nodded, not liking the sound of 'permanent'.

"And if you're planning on running away while I'm asleep, just know I've got three dogs roaming the halls." She said.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Jack replied with an air of wounded innocence.

He hadn't been planning on running away-the idea of being alone in a land of giants from the future didn't enthrall the captain-but dogs or no dogs, nothing kept him from exploring his surroundings.

Jack waited until Dana's breathing had become soft and even. Slowly, he climbed the small wall of he room. He found himself on top of a dresser. The floor wavered hazily below him in the dark.

"You're a bloody pirate, and you're not scared of heights." He muttered. Steeling himself against the woozy feelings in his stomach, he started down the dresser, swinging from handle to handle.

Finally, he landed on the floor. Mountains of cloth surrounded him (Dana had obviously grown lax about putting the clothes away) as he made his way toward the door.

"Oh bugger."

-

A few moments of dream-soaked bliss flitted through Dana's head before she remember the night before. Slowly, the nineteen year old sat up, praying it had all been a (wonderful?) dream.

No such luck. The box she'd fixed for Jack was still on her dresser. Gingerly, she got up and made her way towards it.

'A pirate-no matter how tiny-is still a pirate, and if he's hung-over I'm not going to wake him.' She thought, peering into the box.

It was empty.

"Damn it!" She groaned. She's suspected he try something like this, but the threat of three giant dogs should have-

"Oh…crap. The dogs." Three very energetic Dalmatians who would eat any and every small animal that crossed their path.

She ran to the door, stopping after she saw it was still closed.

'What the hell?' She thought, bewildered. There was no way Jack could have closed the door.

"Come to think of it, how did he _open _the door?"

A proverbial light bulb sparked. Slowly, Dana scanned the floor for the miniature pirate.

There, lying on a pile of her tee shirts, Jack had apparently given up on his bid for exploration. The now empty rum bottle was still clutched in his hand. He'd curled up in her new MST3K shirt, and looked downright adorable (as adorable as a pirate _can _look, anyway).

Unable to help herself, Dana let out an "Awwww."

Jack, who was sleeping the effects of the drink, didn't rouse.

"Well, I can't leave you down there." Dana gingerly picked the whole pile of shirts up, and laid it on her bed. Jack, still mired in sleep, rolled off the shirts and onto the bed without so much as a murmur.

'I'd better get washed up while he's still out.' Dana left the room praying that the hung-over man wouldn't wake before she could return.

-

She needn't have worried; Jack only started to come round when she brought in breakfast.

"I made bacon and eggs." She announced, seeing he was up.

"…Rum…?" Jack blinked blearily up at her.

"I can get some later. Just eat now."

Jack nodded. The portions were generous-enough scrambled eggs to feed his whole crew, a strip of bacon the size of a plank-and it smelled good.

"I don't have any utensils that can match your size…" Dana trailed off, seeing Jack eagerly grabbing the eggs with his hands "…Not that that's a problem."

"Pirate." He reminder her between mouthfuls.

"Yeah, right. Anyway, its my day off work, so I guess we can spend the day getting you acclimated." Dana said.

"If that means drunk, then I agree." Jack grinned.

"No, it doesn't." Dana rolled her eyes.

"Well, forget it then." He replied.

"You might be stuck here for some time. I kind of figured you'd want to get a general idea of what's going on."

"Well…yeah, I guess." Jack said between mouthfuls.

"Great. First order of business: this house also harbors three dogs, and my parents. If they see you, we're busted."

"Love, if nothing else, I'm a master of evading the proper authorities."

"Uh-huh." She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "What about Norrington?"

"Simple miscalculation on my part." Jack said. "Won't happen here."

"Good. Secondly, I guess you'll want to see the boat." She said slyly.

"What?" Jack leapt to his feet. "You have a boat?"

"Well, its my parent's pontoon boat." She admitted. "But I'm allowed to drive it whenever. It pales in comparison to the Pearl, but…"

"Where is it?" Jack demanded.

"In the canal in the yard." She jerked a thumb towards the wall. "I live on a lake."

A grin spread slowly over the man's face.

-

"Yes, yes I've got it. Stay still if anyone see us." Jack grumbled.

"Well, if you'd just be willing to get into my purse-"

"Don't even finish that." Jack threatened.

Dana groaned. "This is such a bad idea…"

"Easy, easy!" Jack yelped as her fist clenched around him.

"Sorry." Dana apologized.

The two were currently edging through Dana's yard, trying to look inconspicuous. Rather, Dana was trying to look inconspicuous, while Jack just tried to be still in her hand.

"I really don't want to explain to anyone why I'm bringing my action figure on the boat." Dana hissed as they stepped onto the small craft. Dana placed him onto the console, just out of the way of the steering wheel's spikes. It looked like a metallic version of an old-timey ship's wheel. She revved the motor.

Jack jumped at the noise. "What the bloody hell was that?"

"The engine." Dana said, trying to think of some example he'd understand. "Like in a train?"

"What's a train?"

"Never mind. All you need to know is its mechanical, and it makes the boat move."

"Thus the conspicuous lack of sails." Jack waved his hands about in typical fashion.

"Right." Dana said, trying to concentrate on backing out of the canal without crashing the boat.

Jack took the moment to examine the vessel. It was bright red in color, with a green flooring and a striped cover overhead. Basically, it looked like a fancy raft. The steering consol was off-white and springy under his boots. He inspected the cup holder at some length.

"Love, why is there a pit in this thing?" He jabbed at the plastic cylinder with his sword.

"Its for drinks, so they don't fall off." She replied, steering them towards the bay.

Jack contemplated this. "In three hundred years, _that's_ the sole improvement in seafaring."

"Hey, we were a little busy curing the plague and building flying machines." Dana said.

"Flying machines?" Jack repeated incredulously.

"Uh, yeah, But don't think about it, because its really expensive, and we've got no place to go to." She told him.

"Don't worry, I have no intention of flying anywhere." Jack made a face.

The lake before them was fairly empty, as it was a weekday morning.

"Where are we going?"

"Where else? The beach."

-

"Feel at home?"

"Inescapably so." Jack muttered.

"What? Speak up."

"I said…Oh never mind."

The two were walking on the deserted beachfront. Jack was making his own path over the oversized shells and rocks after insisting Dana put him down. Dana was walking several paces behind him.

"If you'd just let me carry you-"

"Captain Jack Sparrow is _not _carried."

Dana rolled her eyes. "Fine, but if you fall into a hole and break you leg don't come running to me."

Jack opened his mouth then stopped, looking confused.

"How could I run if my leg was-"

"Its just a figure of speech." Dana cut him off.

Jack scrambled over a small rock. "So, whatever happened to Will and Elizabeth? You said you knew about them."

"Uh…" Dana stalled. "How long ago did you re-claim the Pearl?"

Jack shrugged. "Almost six months ago. Why?"

Dana bit her lip. Jack knew nothing of his impending doom, and telling him could prove disastrous. Changing history-even to save her favorite pirate-didn't bode well.

"I'm not sure." She finished lamely. "Mostly, we only know about the one adventure."

"Ah. Probably got married and had a dozen kids." Jack said. "Providing of course that Will was in actuality, not a eunuch."

Dana laughed. "I have a feeling Will's intact."

"For Elizabeth's sake, he'd better be. Now, are we going to have any rum at _all _on this expedition?"

"Legally, I can't buy alcohol." Dana told him. "I can probably get some from my parents stash when we go home."

"Pirate." Jack grinned.

"Yeah well-SHIT!" There was a loud thump.

Jack spun around at the cry. Dana was lying sprawled across the sand, and groaning.

"What happened?" Jack hurried back to Dana and climbed onto her shoulder.

"I slipped and twisted my ankle!" She moaned, tears welling up.

"Can you walk?"

"I don't think so…" She tested the ankle, biting back a cry. "I'll need to call for help."

"There's no one around!" Jack replied, waving his arms.

"Eh, that's not exactly what I meant…" Dana strained for her purse. "Crap, it rolled away. Jack, can you get into my purse without wreaking it?"

"Aye." Jack nodded.

"Well, do it. My phone's in there."

"What the blood hell is a phone?" Jack asked while climbing down her arm.

"Just bring me the black box that lights up. It should be half your size." Dana replied.

Jack complied, unzipping the leather satchel. Slowly, he dragged the square to her, panting.

"Is this box going to help?" He asked between huffs.

"I can use it to communicate with people who are far away." Dana picked it up. "I'll call my boyfriend."

"What happened to no one seeing me?" Jack demanded.

"Well…" Dana bit her lip. "We'll have to make an exception. Probably more than one, actually."

Jack crossed his arms. He did _not _like where this was heading.

"Matt?" Dana held the box to her ear. "Where are you?…Good, because I need you to come to the beach and get me…No, the boat didn't break down…just hurry, please?"

Jack stared at Dana incredulously. Clearly, the girl had gone insane. She was talking to a box!

"Well, I think I sprained my ankle-"

Even from the ground, Jack could hear the resounding shout of "WHAT!" That came from the phone. He jumped back, terrified. Dana winced.

"I'm fine, I just can't hobble back through the water to get to the boat." She tried to calm the disembodied voice down.

"I'll be right there!" The male voice was frantic.

"Good." Dana punched a button on the phone. The light clicked off. "We're just lucky he's only about fifteen minutes away."

Jack's jaw hung open. "What was that?"

"I told you, this lets me call people who are far away." Dana replied.

Jack continued to stare at the phone in amazement.

"It's magic." Dana sighed.

"Oohh." Jack's look of terrified wonder melted away. "Why didn't you say so?"

-

End of Chapter 3


	4. Wherein Jack meets Matt

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

Thanks to my reviewers...both of 'em. :)

-

"Maybe I _should _hide in your purse."

"Jack, I'm gonna have to tell _someone _about you, and Matt is one of the few people on this earth I'd trust." Dana told the pirate.

Jack paced the sand in front her. Dana was sitting cross-legged and massaging her swollen ankle.

"I've 'ad to deal with my share of angry lovers in my day, and meeting one that could squish me has me slightly worried." Jack replied sarcastically.

"Matt'll be cool." Dana assured the tiny pirate. "He's a fan, like me."

"And exactly how does this lad feel about your interest in me?"

"Uh…"

"Exactly." Jack crossed his arms.

"I'll break it to him gently." Dana placed her hand palm up on the ground. Sighing, Jack stepped onto it and sat cross legged. She lifted him so they were eye-to-eye.

"I'll put you into my pocket, and you just have to be quiet until I take you out."

"If word of this ever gets back to Tortuga, I'll be laughed out of the Caribbean." Jack lamented as he was placed into Dana's coat pocket.

"Shh, I can see him pulling up." Dana's voice filtered through the cloth.

Jack wobbled as the cloth shifted under his feet.

"Hey!" Dana called. The 'walls' around Jack shook as she moved. He gulped nervously.

"Oh my God, your ankle!" A male voice said.

"I'm fine-"

"No, you're not! Its all swollen." The voice argued.

"I just need to put some ice on it. Help me up?"

"What happened?"

"I slipped." Dana replied.

Jack felt his stomach drop as Dana was helped to her feet. He was jerked up and down as she hobbled forwards. Finally, Dana stopped and sat back down.

"Listen, I need to talk to you about something important." Dana said.

"I don't like the sound of that."

"No, its nothing bad." She assured him.

"Then don't scare me like that." The man joked.

"Well, its pretty big"

"Okay, back to being worried."

"Remember how you were complaining about the fact that I was obsessed with 'Pirates of the Caribbean'?" Dana asked.

"Yeah, considering it was last night."

"Okay then, with that in mind, I want to say this 'I didn't do anything'. This whole situation is a complete surprise to me."

"What? Did you win tickets to meet Johnny Depp or something?" The man sounded anxious.

"Um…no."

"Then what?"

"Remember the Jack action figure I bought?"

"Yes."

"Well…" Dana's fingers curled around Jack, and brought him into the open. "Last night, he became a lot more active."

Jack if it hadn't been for the sheer size difference, Jack would have forgone any notion of the man harming him. A skinny teenaged boy was starting down at him. Long black hair framed a pale, blue-eyed face. He stared down at Jack blankly.

"Okay, I'm lost." Matt said. "He looks like a normal action figure."

"That sounds like the opportune moment to me." Jack piped up.

Matt's eyes widened. His jaw dropped open, and he withdrew against the wall of…_whatever _they were in.

"It…talked!" He gasped.

"He, not it." Dana said. "This is the actual Captain Jack Sparrow."

Matt's eyes snapped to hers. "How?"

"We're not exactly sure." Dana admitted. "Last night after we got off the phone, he was just…alive."

"I don't freakin' believe this." Matt extended a finger and poked the pirate in the stomach.

"Hey, watch it!" Jack snapped, and withdrew his sword. "Just because you're the size of the bloody colossus, don't think I won't run you through!"

"That's Jack Sparrow all right." Matt said breathlessly.

"Captain Jack Sparrow." Jack said moodily. He hadn't appreciated being poked.

"Put that away." Dana placed the pirate onto the dashboard of the small car. Jack complied and walked the length of it, inspecting it with great interest.

"Love, what is this?"

"Its called a car. Its like a carriage, but with its own motor." Dana replied.

"Hey, don't call her that." Matt said protectively, recovering from the shock. "She's my girlfriend."

"Would you prefer I called her 'Strumpet', whelp?" Jack challenged.

"Hey, don't call _me _that!" Matt growled.

"Whelp." Jack smirked.

Matt looked back at Dana. "Is he this annoying with you?"

"Ah…no." Dana blushed slightly. "He's been nice to me."

"Nice, or nice for a pirate?"

"Um…The latter."

"Don't you dare impugn my honor, boy. I've been nothing but a gentleman." Jack growled.

Matt gave the pirate a skeptical look. "Uh-huh."

"Look, its not important." Dana waved her hands. "What is important-"

"Is getting some ice on that ankle." Matt cut in. "After that, I can go quietly insane."

A relieved look spread over Dana's face. "I _knew _you'd understand."

Jack watched as the two kissed. After a few moments, he began tapping his foot impatiently. Young love, wonderful as it was, wasn't going to get them home. Finally, Dana moved back, and snapped a belt over her chest. Matt inserted a key into the wheel.

That's when Jack's mind overloaded.

The engine roaring to life below his feet sent the pirate into a panic. Immediately, he jumped from the dashboard and into Dana's lap, shrieking. Dana, taken aback by Jack's apparent terror, quickly gathered him into her hands.

"Matt, turn it off, he's freaking out!" Dana ordered. Matt quickly switched the ignition off.

"What…was…that?" Jack lay trembling in her hands.

"It was just the engine. Remember, the boat had one too?" Dana said soothingly.

"The boat did not sound like that." Jack wrapped his arms around himself.

"I'm sorry. I should have warned you." Unable to hug to the terrified Captain, Dana began to stroke his back with her finger. Slowly, the shaking smoothed out and Jack regained his composure. He pulled himself into a sitting position.

"The next time you're going to start up a mechanism that sounds like the demons of Hell, I'd appreciate a bit of notice." His eyes were downcast.

"I keep forgetting this is all new to you." Dana said sadly. "Matt, could you start it a little softer this time?"

"Yeah, of course." Matt nodded. Slowly, he turned the engine over, eliciting shivers from the pirate. Dana's fingers curled protectively around him.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you." She promised.

"Love, I doubt you or any other force on this earth could stop things from happening to me." Jack looked up at her, smiling wistfully.

"Maybe you should stay in my pocket until we get home. The ride could be a little nerve-wracking." Dana's large face filled with concern.

Jack shook his head. "Its seeming ever more likely I'll be here for a long time. I'll need to get used to such things."

Dana nodded. "Okay. Lets roll."

-


	5. Wherein Jack tries Pizza

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

Thanks for all the great reviews everyone. They're really encouraging.

-

The first part of the ride home wasn't as bad as Dana feared. Jack, able to only see the top of the windows, was spared the sight of thousands of other cars whizzing past. But when a horn blared behind them, he'd jumped from her hands onto the floor and crawled under the seat. They'd pulled over so Dana could coax him out.

"C'mon Jack, come back out. Please?" She pleaded to the seat.

"No!"

"Jack, if you don't come outta there…" She trailed off, realizing a passerby was giving her a strange look.

"My new, uh…hamster got loose." She improvised lamely. The pedestrian quickly hurried on.

"This is going well." Matt said dryly, joining her outside the car.

"Well smartass if you've got any ideas be my guest!" Dana snapped.

"Okay, I will!" Matt crouched next to the seat. "Oi, Sparrow."

"Captain." Came the moody reply from under the seat.

"Well, you're not acting like a Captain. It was just a horn, for God's sake. It's less jarring than cannon fire." Matt said.

" S' different." Jack replied sullenly.

"Are you going to come out from there and act like a Captain, or will you be needing my girlfriend to coddle you some more?" Matt demanded. "And note that I said coddle, not cuddle."

Slowly, the Captain squirmed out from under the seat.

"Once I'm used to this world, I'll be getting you back." He pointed menacingly at Matt.

"Yeah yeah, lets just get home." Dana snatched the Captain and slammed the door shut before anyone could see him.

-

The rest of the ride passed without incident. Matt had to help Dana into the (thankfully) empty house. Jack, from his perch on Dana's shoulder, was less than impressed with the house. One story, and with no discernable valuables, as far as he could see.

"Can I turn on the TV or is he gonna freak again?" Matt asked sarcastically as he helped Dana to the couch.

"I haven't introduced him to television yet." Dana admitted while Matt grabbed an icepack.

"What's 'Telly-visine'?" Jack hopped onto the arm of the couch, bouncing slightly.

"Tell-ee-vision." Dana corrected him. "Remember when I told you about moving pictures? Same thing."

Dana flipped the TV on and muted it. Jack stared at the images. A commercial for menswear flashed onscreen.

"And you're sure those are only pictures?" Jack asked quietly.

"Absolutely." Dana nodded. "Want me to turn the sound on?"

As the menswear gave way to a Victoria's secret commercial, Jack nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm gonna regret this." Dana lamented, switching the sound on.

-

An hour later, Jack was still zombiefied by the TV. Dana's ankle had stiffened under the icepack. She lay sprawled across Matt's legs.

"And we have no idea of how to get him home?" Matt asked.

"Unless you've taken a class in the occult that I'm unaware of, no."

Matt sighed. "I'm just _asking_."

"Well, you and I are the only ones who know he's here. We've gotta keep this quiet." Dana insisted. "Can you imagine what would happen if this got public?"

"For one thing, Johnny Depp would freak." Matt said.

"Who's that man you keep mentioning?" Jack finally tore his eyes from the screen.

"Um…He's the guy who performs you in the moving pictures." Dana said.

"Well, he must be an excellent actor to get me right." Jack replied, slightly puffed up.

"Maybe later we'll watch it." Matt's eyes gleamed.

"Uh, bad idea." Dana shook her head. "Why don't we have a bite to eat instead?"

"I can get a pizza." Matt offered.

"Wot's a pizza?" Jack asked.

Dana grinned widely. "Heaven on earth, Jack."

-

Thirty minutes later, Jack found himself sitting in front of a suspicious looking slab of cheese, bread, and an unidentifiable red substance. Dana and Matt were eating triangular wedges of said food that were slightly larger than Jack himself.

"C'mon, its good." Dana swallowed a bite.

"What's that red stuff?" Jack asked.

"Tomato sauce."

The word tomato flew over Jack's head, but 'sauce' evoked his interest. Gingerly, he picked up the slab and took a bite.

"Iss HOT!" He managed through a mouthful of cheese.

"I brought you some coke." Dana indicated a small plastic cap filled with fizzy brown liquid.

Jack immediately gulped some down. A grin spread over his face.

"Not bad." He said and took another bite.

"Wait until we introduce him to ice cream." Dana whispered to Matt.

Matt groaned and shook his head. "God no. The last thing we need is a miniature sugar-high pirate."

Jack took another swig of the coke, restraining himself from giggling as the bubbles tickled his throat. He finished off the pizza chunk.

"That just may catch on." He grinned.

"Yeah, we eat this stuff for breakfast around here." Matt said.

"Want some more?" Dana held up a knife. "There's plenty left."

Jack nodded and took another swig of the cola.

Dana cut another chunk off the slice. "Tomorrow I'm introducing you to the wonderful world of french fries."

"I love the French. Inventors of mayonnaise." Jack said. Dana and Matt burst out laughing. "Wot's so funny?"

"Nothing." They answered together.

-


	6. Wherein Jack is depressed

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

Thanks for all the great reviews everyone! Rest assured, this story is not about to be dropped. ;)

-

Now that his hunger had been quenched, Jack found himself able to concentrate on more important things.

Specifically, how was he ever going to get home?

Dana, while a nice young woman, couldn't look after him like this forever. She was already fretting over leaving him home alone while she worked tomorrow. If only he had been his proper size he would have left almost instantly…but then he'd be trapped in a world he had no knowledge of. The bits he'd already learned about were confusing enough.

That was another sticking point. Even if he _did _go out on his own, he was the size of a bloody toy. Captaining a ship (or evading a large animal) while in this state didn't seem very likely.

Finding someone who could send him home seemed equally hopeless.

'Tia Dalma must be dead.' Jack though sadly. 'And even if she had descendants, the probability of finding one who could actually help me is…well, improbable.'

But then again, he'd pulled off the improbable before.

Dana and Matt chattered away above him, oblivious to his darkening mood. At least Matt seemed to have dropped his grudge against the Pirate. Being trapped in a giant futuristic world was hard enough without the whelp having it in for him. And on the plus side, Dana had found some rum in the back of her parent's liquor cabinet for him.

Jack sighed. What he wanted to do was get good and drunk. Then he'd only have a hangover to worry about.

Finally, Dana noticed the depressed pirate. She sat down next to him.

"We will get you home Jack." She said softly.

Jack gave her a sad smile. "And if you can't?"

Matt joined them on the couch. "Then we figure something else out. Complications will be encountered and overcome."

"I like the sound of that." Jack said, smiling for real.

"I know what will lighten the mood." Dana disappeared into the kitchen.

"Oh good God." Matt groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"What?"

"She's bringing out the chocolate ice cream."

"And that's bad?"

Matt gave the pirate a tired look. "It is for me."

Dana returned a few minutes later carrying mismatched bowls.

"If you though pizza was good, this is gonna blow your mind." She announced, sitting between the two men.

Jack started at the lump of brown in the bowl. "What exactly is that?"

"Its just was it sounds like, cream that's been flavored and frozen."

Jack shrugged. "Doesn't sound that extraordinary."

"Just try some." Dana scooped up a little in a tiny plastic spoon (Like the sample size as Baskin Robbins) and handed it to him.

"You keep feeding him that stuff and he's gonna get sick." Matt cautioned her.

"You eat junk three times a day and you're fine." Dana pointed out. "Not to mention his diet probably wasn't that healthy beforehand."

Jack, finding himself ignored by the arguing teens, took a cautious lick of the gooey substance. The chilliness of the treat momentarily blinded the pirate to the taste. Living in the Caribbean he'd only had truly cold food on his more lengthy adventures. The somewhat familiar taste of chocolate slowly overcame the cold, and he took another lick.

"Not bad." He conceded. "Although I think I like that bubbly drink better."

"Who knew Jack would appreciate a run and coke?" Matt said sarcastically.

"Ahh, tha' explainsss why the rum's gone." Jack slurred his speech slightly more than usual.

"Yeah, that and you drank it." Dana pointed out. Jack shrugged.

"Okay, we've already corrupted him with TV and fast food. Anything else you want to expose him to?" Matt asked.

"I think we're good for today." Dana rolled her eyes.

"Great." Matt flipped the channels on the TV. " 'The Simpsons' are about to come on anyway."

Jack watched as the screen filled with what appeared to be living drawings.

"What in the blood hell is that?"

"Its just another type of moving picture. They draw a bunch of little pictures, each one slightly diff-"

"Magic drawings." Matt cut her off.

"Ahh." Jack nodded.

"I could have explained it!" Dana grumbled.  
"Do you really want to take the time?"

"Um…"

"Like I said, magic drawings."

-

As soon as the credits began to roll, the phone rang. Dana (whos ankle felt amost normal) quickly answered.

"Hello? Oh! Um…yeah, that sounds great. Love you too Mom." Dana's eyes went wide.

"My Mom's on her way home!"

"So? Just hideout in your room." Matt shrugged.

"I _can't_, my little cousin's are coming over for a sleepover!" Dana practically wailed. "And they'll want me to play with them the whole freakin' time, not to mention sleep in my room. If they find Jack, we're screwed."

Jack was starting to get alarmed. "So what do we do?"

"I don't know." Dana groaned. "Unless…"

She looked hopefully at Matt.

"Oh no. No freakin' way. Not gonna happen!"

-

An hour later found Matt loaded down with the wine crate bedroom and the miniature pirate.

"How did you talk me into this?" He grumbled, shoving the box into the passenger seat.

"I made you remember how much you love me." Dana smiled. "Besides, its only twenty four hours. After work tomorrow I'll pick him up."

Jack's gaze kept jumping back and forth between the two. "I really don't like this idea Love."

"I know but there's no other way. And Matt promised to be nice, right Matt?" Dana poked his shoulder.

"Ye-es." He sighed.

Dana set the pirate into the box. "It'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wonderful." Jack groaned as the door slammed shut. Matt slid into the other seat.

"You're not gonna freak out again, are you?" He asked.

"No, I'm not going to 'freak out.'" Jack growled.

Matt squinted in annoyance at the pirate. "I'm only doing this because I love Dana. If it were up to me, you'd be right back in the Caribbean."

"That makes two of us." Jack grumbled, flopping onto the bed.

-


	7. Wherin Jack and Matt have an Altercation

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

My God...The outpouring of support for this fic has me overwhelmed. Wipes away a tear Its wonderful. Thank you all so much.

Jack: What are you crying for? It's ME they love! Me, who you've uncerimoniously shrunk down, brought to the future, force fed junk food, and-MMPH!

Shoves Jack into her pocket Anyway, enjoy! Its a bit short, but I'll make up for it next time.

-

Jack had a few uneasy moments while in Matt's car, but masked them. He didn't want to give the whelp anything to lord over him. Finally, they arrived at the two story brick building.

"My dad works nights so he's probably asleep right now, and my brother is staying at my Mom's tonight, so it should be okay." Matt huffed as he lugged the box up the short flight of stairs. He set it down (a bit harder than necessary) to unlock the door. Jack bit back a yelp. Showing any kind of weakness in front of the whelp was not about to happen.

The interior of this house was far darker than Dana's. The kitchen and living room melded into one space with a small 'island' of wood separating them. Matt set the wine crate on top of this structure.

"Once again, I find myself stranded on an island…" Jack muttered, climbing out of the box.

"Well there's no rum in this one." Matt said, taking the box out of the room.

Jack surveyed the (mostly) clean surface. It was some kind of whitewashed wood as far as he could tell, daubed every so often with a dried up piece of food. With his signature walk he slowly traversed the strip.

"And now-" Matt came back and flopped onto the couch. "I get to relax."

"Are you just going to leave me here?" Jack called angrily.

"The great Captain Jack Sparrow can't get down by himself?" Matt replied.

That stopped Jack cold as he tried to think of a comeback. When nothing came to mind, he began to pace the wood, mumbling under his breath. He glanced up at the TV. Onscreen, a character in strange Asian garb was fighting a monster. Matt seemed to be cheering the human character one.

"What kind of moving picture is _that_?"

"It's a videogame." Matt replied, fiddling fiercely with a box in his hands. "I control Goku-the guy in orange-and fight the others."

Jack stared at the two fight. Finally, the large pink monster went down.

"Yes!" Matt grinned. "Freakin' Majin Buu is tough, but I got him."

Jack stared in amazement. Had real fights become so scarce in this world that people were driven to fighting pictures?

"Seems like a passable way to waste time when your not with the lovely Dana." Jack grinned. Riling the whelp up wasn't the _best _idea--but Dana had made him promise to be nice.

"Hey, what did I say about-"

"I was only complimenting her. Surly you agree she's lovely?" Jack said smoothly.

"Well, yeah…but that doesn't mean I want you thinking about her like that!" Matt said.

"Aye, but I'm not in a position to do anything about it." Jack smirked. "If, however, I were at my right size-"

"Stop right there or you're sleeping on the lawn."

"Right."  
-

Jack sat in silence for the better part of an hour. Matt continued to play his game, oblivious to the outside world. For the umpteenth time, he estimated the distance to the floor, and felt less than optimistic about his chances of surviving a leap. Finally, he couldn't take it. He picked up a crusted bit of food and chucked it at Matt

"Hey!" Matt yelped after the food bounced off his forehead.

"Will you be leaving me up here all night?" Jack asked sarcastically.

"For the love of God!" Matt groaned, slamming the control box onto the couch. He roughly snatched the pirate off the counter, and set him down on the arm of the couch.

Jack glared at him, hand itching towards his sword.

"I wouldn't try anything; that thing's about the size of a toothpick." Matt resumed his game. A smile curled across his lips. In a Scottish accent he continued: "Suppose you're compensating for something?"

Unfortunately, the pop culture reference went right over the pirate's head (pun _definitely _intended). If there was one thing that set the Captain off, an attack on his manhood was it. Drawing the sword, he leapt forward and plunged it into the denim covered thigh.

"OW!" Matt leapt up, grabbing at the wound. "Son of a Bitch!"

'Bugger.' Jack watched the sword fall to the floor. He leapt from the couch and took off at a run as soon as his feet hit the floor. Darting between the thickly-booted feet, Jack snatched up his sword, and kept on running.

"Damn you Jack Sparrow!" Matt roared, unintentionally echoing Davy Jones. He stumbled slowly after the pirate.

Jack paid no heed to the bellowing man, but continued to run in his patented 'Drunken Little Girl' manner.

'The door?' Unthinkable, he'd never be able to open it. 'Windows?' Even more unreachable. 'Go back and apologize?'

'Where did that come from?' Jack almost stopped in mid-run from the shock of such a thought. He obviously was beginning to get desperate.

That's when he spotted the ventilation duct.

-

Dun Dun DUNNNN!


	8. Wherein Jack explors the ducts

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

-

" 'Just take him' She says. 'It'll be fine' She says." Matt groaned and limped after the pirate. "Jack! Damnit…"

Jack was currently prying the grate off a ventilation duct. Once he got inside the pirate was delighted to discover he merely had to crouch to walk down the metallic corridor.

"Finally, being at less than optimal size is an advantage." Jack grinned. The box-like structure was dark, but seemed solid enough.

Unfortunately for the pint-sized pirate, he was dead wrong in that assumption. A moment later found him sliding down a steep steel shaft.

"AAAAAHHH!" His hands flailed for purchase on the smooth metal, but found none.

Matt could hear the scream from down the hallway. He hurriedly limped forward. The space before him seemed deserted.

'Nothing but the rug, a closed door, the grate-'

"Oh damn." He paled, realizing where the sound had come from. Dropping to his knees, he peered into the murky vent.

"Jack!"

The dying echo of the scream was all Matt could hear.

'Shit! Where does this thing come out anyway?'

The exact same thought was running through Jack's head as he continued his descent. The smooth metal had given way to the grittiness of old cobwebs and dead bugs. It at least cut back on his speed.

'I won't die when this thing finally stops.'

'I think.'

Jack was right. The vent slowly straightened out to a level plane once more. Woozily (more so than normal, even) Jack rose to his feet. He was in complete darkness.

"Jack!" The echoing shout finally reached him. "Are you alright?"

"Ah…all things considered?"

"Jack!"

"I'm in one piece if that's what you'd like to hear." Jack called helpfully. Getting on the Whelp's good side suddenly seemed vital to his survival.

Matt's sigh of relief rumbled down the vent. "Good. Can you get out of there?"

"I can't come back the way I came. S' too steep."

"What's in front of you?"

"A large amount of…" Jack hesitated, "Darkness."

"Hang on a sec…"

Jack could hear the loud thumps of Matt hurrying away. He gulped.

'What if he leaves me down here?'

'Well, he can't just leave me down here. Right?'

'No, of course not, Dana would never allow it.'

'Suppose 'e tells her something got me?'

Jack shivered in the dark. He was suddenly missing Dana quite badly. The approaching thumps jerked him out of his dejection.

"Jack? I'm sending down a…a torch of sorts. It's electric, so it can't burn you." Matt called. "And its small, so you should be able to hold it."

"Good." Jack said. A moment later a skittering noise began.

"Erm…You might want to lookout for it." Matt added.

" 'Ow am I supposed to-" Jack's eyes widened. A spot of light was bouncing wildly down the shaft. He threw himself against a wall.

Slowly, the bouncing spot slid to a stop in front of him. He cautiously approached what seemed to be a tube that threw out a bight light.

"You get it?"

"Yes." Jack picked the unwieldy light up. "Now what?"

"Well, is there a way out?"

"All I see is the continuation of this tunnel." Jack replied.

"Maybe you should, oh I don't know…WALK DOWN IT!" Matt's yell was amplified as it echoed, nearly causing the pirate to drop the flashlight.

"Alright! Bloody hell…" Jack started forward, ignoring the miscellaneous bits of rubbish that had gotten into the pipe.

"Can you see a way out?" Matt called again after a few moments. He was beginning to get anxious.

"Actually, yes." Jack stared out of the new opening. It opened to a dark gray room. "It appears to be a basement."

"Fine. Hang on a second, I'll come down and get you." Matt grumbled, making his way down the stairs.

Jack waited only a moment before running down the pipe-away from the opening. True, he couldn't get back up the way he'd come down, but he wasn't about to willingly fall into Matt's clutches.

'I may be less than sane, but I'm not crazy!' He thought, slowing to a jog. The pipe before him did indeed seem to be getting brighter. A cautious optimism rose in his chest.

'Maybe _now _I'm having a bit of good luck.' He approached another grate and quickly pried it off.

He stepped out of the pipe and into open air. The setting sun rendered him momentarily blind. Slowly, blinking to get his vision back, the outdoors confronted him.

Jack bit his lip in unease. Land wasn't exactly his forte, let alone giant futuristic land.

But compared to facing the Whelp…

The Pirate took off running.

-


	9. Wherein Jack hides from Matt

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

-

"JACK! C'mon, this isn't funny!" Matt roared into the duct. "Get your Pirating ass out here right now, or I'm gonna-"

RRRRIIIIIINNNNGGGGG….

"Oh, holy crap!" He ran upstairs and grabbed the cordless phone. "Hello?"

"Hi Honey." Dana's voice nearly startled him into dropping the phone. "What's up?"

"Uh…Nothing."

"How's your, um, _little visitor_?"

'Subtle.' Matt thought. "Uh…"

"Yeah?"

"He stabbed me in the leg!" Matt tried to divert the conversation.

"What! Why?"

"No clue. I was sitting on the couch playing my game, and he went berserk."

"Really?"

"I…may have made a joke." He admitted.

"Oh good God." Dana groaned. "Well, put him on, let me talk to him. I can probably get him to apologize."

"I can't." Matt said, bracing himself.

There was a pregnant pause.

"Why?" Dana asked slowly.

"Well…he _may _be lost in the air vents."

The scream, while totally expected, was still horribly loud. Matt held the phone away from his ear until she ran out of breath.

"Yeah, so I'm just going to go find him okayloveyoubye!" He hung up and hurried back downstairs.

-

Dana's Mother and cousins stood in shock over the brown-haired teen. She'd taken a moment to call Matt, then screamed and-for the first time in her life-_fainted_.

-

Jack had made it to the neighbor's driveway before Matt finally realized what had happened. From his hiding place under the car, he was able to watch Matt scouting out the bushes, pleading for him to return.

"I promise not to kill you, just come back! I know you can hear me you can't run _that _fast!"

Jack sniggered. Clearly, the Whelp was desperate.

"Okay, FINE! Stay outside!" Matt stood up, looking quite angry. "I just want you to know you're worrying the Hell out of Dana!"

That struck the Pirate a little harder. Dana had been nothing short of phenomenal in her willingness to help him. Getting her upset was the _last _thing he'd intended with his escape.

On the other hand, his death by the Whelp wasn't going to make her feel any better.

Matt threw a final glare to the world in general, then stormed back inside.

The Captain surveyed his surroundings carefully. It was nearly dusk, and the summer light was rapidly fading. A few people were outside, but as this side of the house was next to the road most of them were passing by, and not lingering. There was nary a waterway in sight.

'I'll be fine.' He reassured himself, and began scouting for a place to take cover. He tapped on the trunk of a tree with the hope that it might be hollow and contain rum faintly knocking around his head.

When a daddy longlegs rose up after his touch, the startled pirate nearly fell over himself trying to back up. He'd never had a fear of spiders and their kind before-but in the past the one's he'd seen weren't the size of large dogs.

"Ugh." He turned away as the spindly insect climbed up the tree. Quickly, he wiped his hand on the grass. "That was…disturbing."

All things considered, he couldn't afford to be choosey. Sighing he began to climb the rough bark of the tree.

-


	10. Wherein Jack meets some Wildlife

Finally, Jack reached a serviceable branch in the tree. The first few he'd passed were already occupied by birds nests. Jack had fended off a few sets of parental birds before getting away, escaping with a few scratches.

He strode across the wood, nodding with approval. A soft chattering behind him caused him to spin around, nearly falling out of the tree.

A squirrel was behind him.

The furry creature looked at him quizzically, trying to decide if he was friend, foe, or food. Jack fingered his sword.

"Oi! Off with you, rat, before I cut off that pretty tail of yours and make it into a mattress, savvy?"

The human voice put the squirrel on alert. Jack fell firmly into the 'foe' category.

Jack cautiously edged nearer to the rodent, drawing his sword. "I've fended off a giant, I'll not be run off by the likes of you."

He took a mock run at the creature, yelling.

That was too much for the squirrel's peanut-sized brain. It vacated, not only the branch, but the entire tree. The last thing it needed was a crazy animal trying to kill it. Jack stretched out on the smooth bark of the tree branch, grinning in triumph.

-

Matt had emerged from the house again to search for the Captain. The Whelp was searching the car at the moment. The dim glow thrown off by the porch light was just enough to make him out. His hands were plunged under the driver's seat.

"Not there. Try the next one." Jack taunted from his perch. The branch was about twelve feet in the air and across the street, effectively shielding him from the Whelp's search.

Matt cursed under his breath. Jack could be miles away by now, but somehow he doubted it. Jack's style was more…localized.

'He's probably holed up somewhere, laughing at me.' The teen thought sourly.

"I hope a cat tries to eat you, Sparrow." He said to the wind.

"And I 'ope that one day I can come back here at proper size and give you a sound thrashing." Jack replied, snickering. This was the most fun he'd had since Matt had taken him home.

Finally, with total darkness all around him, Matt gave up. Jack watched carefully as he went back inside, then started back down the tree.

Now that Matt had apparently reached the conclusion that Jack had hidden for the duration, the Captain intended to make his way back into the house.

'Why spend the night in an rat-infested tree when I can sneak back in the vents and p'haps even find some beverages of an alcoholic nature?' He reasoned as he crossed the road. As he made his way up the lawn, a bright light flashed into his eyes.

"What the dratted hell!" He cried out, his hand flying to shield his eyes.

The sound of the door flying open and slamming into the wall startled the pirate even more. He started to stagger backwards and felt the sickeningly familiar sensation of being grabbed hold of and picked up.

"Ah-HA!" Matt's voice rang through the Pirate's head as he was taken back inside. "I _knew _you wouldn't stay outside all night! You tripped the motion sensor! And to think, I complained that it was triggered too easily."

During this monolog Jack was trying to clear the sunspots out of his vision. By the time he finally succeeded, Matt was placing him into a small cage. Wood chips lined the floor.

"I didn't think they made jails here for people my size." Jack grumbled.

"Not a Jail, Jack. It's a hamster cage." Matt smirked down at him.

"I don't know wot a hamster is, but I'm guessing its not a good thing for me." Jack watched in dismay as Matt placed a padlock over the otherwise penetrable door latch.

"You're just lucky I don't have it anymore, or I'd have taken your weapons away and let you fend for yourself." Matt replied.

"A gentleman of the highest order, you are." Jack said sarcastically. "And I suppose you'll be keeping me in here until Dana arrives?"

"Oh crap, Dana!" Matt grabbed the phone and started dialing frantically. "Hello? Yeah, is Dana there?…SHE WHAT!"

Jack watched with great interest as the teen panicked. He seated himself in what appeared to be some sort of metallic waterwheel. It shifted under him, squeaking faintly.

"Please, can I talk to her just for a second?…Thanks."

"Oi, if you can hear me Dana he's got me in a cage!" Jack yelled. Matt shot him a death glare, and mouthed something fairly nasty at him.

"Dana? Yes-yes-I got him! Yeah…no, _he _ran away. I got him back."

"I may have been running, but only as you were the one chasing." Jack replied sourly.

"He's fine, I got him when he tripped the alarm system outside-No, no one saw him. He was only out there for like, an hour…Yeah, you can talk to him."

Matt placed a hand over the mouthpiece. "You exaggerate what happened and I _will _kill you."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Jack said as Matt slipped the cell phone through the bars.

"Jack? Are you okay?" Dana's tone was full of worry. Jack sighed, mentally giving himself a hard slap (which he fully deserved).

"Yes Love, I'm fine. Just took a bit of a stroll." Jack said calmly.

"That's not the way Matt tells it." She said, laughing slightly.

"Well, things may have gotten a tad out of hand when the Whelp and I had a slight altercation."

"Meaning he made a joke and you stabbed him, then ran."

"Pretty much."

Dana sighed. "Tomorrow I'm sitting both of you down for a _long _talk. Can I trust you to stay there the night?"

"Aye, there's not many places I could go as the Whelp has me locked up in what he calls a 'hamster cage'."

"WHAT?"

Jack grinned up at the teenager. "I believe she'd like to talk to you."

Matt swore under his breath as he retrieved the phone.

-


	11. Wherein Jack watches movies

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

Just a note, I've caught a small cold. The updates might be slow for a little while, but don't worry, it will be finished. :)

-

After the his conversation with Dana ended, Matt let Jack out of the cage.

"If you take off again, Dana _will _kill you."

"You say so very often that someone is going to kill me, and yet here I am." Jack replied.

"You know, I think I have something that'll keep you in your place. How about we watch a movie?" Matt suggested. His eyes were alight with what Jack could only assume was malice.

"Wot, are you planning on showing the movie that's based on my adventures and watching the subsequent 'freak out', as you call it? I know my own life mate, and that's not going to work." Jack crossed his arms, smug with his own cleverness.

Matt shook his head. "No, I have a better idea."

He held up a tape labeled 'Sleepy Hollow'.

"Lets just see how you cope with what is _essentially _you."

-

An hour and forty five minutes later found the two men staring at the TV screen intently.

"So, what did you think of that?" Matt challenged him.

Jack slowly turned to him.

"Are you telling me that man is supposed to be me?"

"Yep, amongst other characters."

"That's impossible. For one thing he looks nothing like me-"

"He's made up to look like that."

"-and for another thing, he's a bloody coward and a sissy."

"Acting, Jack."

Jack crossed his arms, verging on a major sulk. "I still don't like it. S' not good for my reputation."

"Well, in that case, you're _really _gonna hate Willy Wonka."

"Who?"

"Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing chocolatetier…Never mind." Matt triled off after Jack gave hiim an incredulous look.

-

Two hours later found the Captain largely upset.

"That…_freak _is supposed to be me as well?"

"Not you, its just the same actor." Matt corrected him.

"He's even worse than that ruddy constable!" Jack growled. "Although that factory-thingamajig _was _interesting. Seems there'd be a fair amount of valuables in such a place. Is that real also?"

"Nope."

"Bloody Hell."

"We've got time for one more…would you rather see yourself as a pathetic writer or as an outcast with scissors for hands?" Matt asked.

"Neither."

"Pathetic writer is it."  
-

After 'Secret Window' Jack was verging on a nervous breakdown.

"Not so pleasant seeing him murder all those people, eh?" Matt grinned, convinced the fight had been taken out of the Captain.

Jack shook his head. "Not that."

"Then what's got you so upset?" Matt asked, genuinely confused.

"I…was….blond."

Matt blinked in confusion. "That's _it_? You're upset because the guy's hair was _blond_?"

Jack nodded.

Matt groaned. "I don't freakin' believe this."

"He was the only one that looked _remotely _like me, and I didn't appreciate the changes, savvy?" Jack growled.

"Well good. Maybe now you'll refrain from trying to attack _me _and concentrate on that." Matt grumbled as he switched the TV off. "Its late anyway."

"Where did you place my effects?" Jack grimaced as Matt picked him up.

"Its in my room." Matt opened the door to his room. It was as cluttered as Dana's room, if not as large. The bed was a bunk bed. Jack's box-room was situated, somewhat perilously, atop a mound of clothes. Matt placed the pirate onto the bed.

"And you're not going to try to escape again?"

"Escape from what? I assume both of us will be asleep and not at each other's throats." Jack shot.

"Touché." Matt flopped into the bottom bunk.

-

Jack awoke dazedly to the sounds of faint creaking. For a moment, he wondered why the Pearl wasn't rocking in its usual manner. The intense light flickering on overhead quickly dispelled the notion that he was at sea.

"What in the…" A voice started. Jack saw the face of a young man that most definitely was _not _Matt looming over him. The man had short brown curls, brown eyes, an a boyish face.

'Just be still, the Whelp will wake up and do something.' Jack tried to hold his breath and remain motionless as the man scrutinized him.

"What…Ian? Why are you here?" Matt said groggily.

"Why do you have a dollhouse and a replica of Jack Sparrow?" The man, apparently named Ian, shot back.

"Captain." Jack snapped.

Everyone in the room froze.

"Oh bugger."

-


	12. Wherein Jack talks to Ian

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

Well, I'm over my cold, so the chapters may come a bit quicker now...

-

"So Dana's action figure came to life two nights ago, and the two of you have been taking care of him since?" Ian asked placidly.

"Yeah." Matt nodded.

"And the only people who know are the three of us."

"Yes to that as well." Jack replied over his oatmeal.

Matt shuffled around the kitchen nervously .When he got nervous, he cooked. He was presently cooking every breakfast food he could get his hands on, resulting a fair meal for the other two men. Jack was seated on the wooden island, with Ian lounging on a nearby stool. Their father was asleep after his night shift.

"Oh crap, I'm gonna have to tell Dana you found out." Matt groaned, whisking some eggs furiously. "I wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

"Well, you can't keep this a secret _forever_." Ian replied.

"We can bloody well try," Jack said in a low voice. "Unless you're making a threat."

Ian held up his hands. "I'm not about to tell anyone. I may be ever so slightly eccentric, but I'm by no means stupid."

"I like 'im." Jack jerked a thumb as the man.

"You would." Matt grumbled. "He's my smartass brother."

"Older brother." Ian added. "And you're a smartass too."

"It runs in our genetics on both sides." Matt admitted, pouring the eggs into a skillet.

"You keep cooking like that and we'll run out of food." Ian said mildly.

"Why are you unfazed by this?" Matt demanded. "When I saw Jack for the first time-"

"-Captain Sparrow to you, Whelp."

"-I almost had a brain aneurism!" Matt finished, ignoring the pirate.

"That's because you are a naturally illogical and panicky individual." Ian said, a small smile curling across his face. "Whereas _I_ am calm by nature. Not to mention years of playing D&D, VTM, and reading fantasy novels have left me a bit more equipped to deal with the impossible."

"I've been doing that too!" Matt argued.

"Oh, my mistake. I guess its because I'm smart." Ian said smugly.

"Basted." Matt grumbled.

"I _really _like 'im." Jack added.

-

After much debate Dana had convinced her Mother that she was able to go to work. She insisted the fainting spell of the previous day was nothing more than a temporary lapse after Matt had relayed a shocking joke from one of his favorite comedians.

She pulled into the parking lot, trying to keep her mind on the task at hand.

'Just a few more hours, then I can get Jack and Matt apart. They've both promised to behave so I'm _not _going to worry.'

'Yeah and if you believe that I've got some real-estate on cannibal island to sell.' An inner voice replied mockingly.

'Oy vay.'

-

The three men eventually settled into a tense silence and began watching TV. Jack paid little attention to the program. His thought had drifted back to the sea.

'I've been here three days now.'

'Well, bad luck comes in three's. Last time it was, mutiny, marooning, and…about ten years of being ship-less.' Jack frowned pensively at this. 'That definitely counts as more than three things.'

'Conversely, Dana's supposed to arrive here at three o'clock to get me away from these lunatics. P'haps those three's really do mean something.'

'By 'something' you do mean suddenly going back home in the same mysterious manner that you arrived in?' The inner voice questioned.

'You are getting very annoying mate.' Jack sighed aloud.

'You do realize that I _am_ you?'

'Yes.'

-

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, aside from lunch. Matt, having exhausted the household's food supply at breakfast, made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Jack found the sticky brown substance intriguing, but spent several embarrassing minutes trying to un-stick it from his gold and silver teeth, much to Matt and Ian's amusement. Upon finishing the meal, Matt went back to his videogames, and Ian left for work. This left the pirate mostly to his own devices, which consisted of watching TV.

Finally, three o'clock came.

And went.

-

Dana left the office quickly, cursing the 'emergency meeting' that had been called, causing her to be late. She pulled onto the main road and turned on her Wicked CD.

'Matt didn't call all day, so things are fine.' She assured herself to the chorus of 'No one mourns the Wicked'.

Even if her thoughts hadn't been elsewhere she wouldn't have seen the other car coming up behind her.

-

Once four o'clock went by, Matt grew worried.

"I'll just try her cell." Matt dialed his phone. "Hello, D-Mrs. Braxton?"  
His expression turned deeply confused. "Dana was supposed to…"

He trailed off, his face growing pale.

"Oh my God. What hospital?"

"Hospital?" Jack leapt up the word.

"I'll be right there." Matt said, scrabbling for the car keys.

"What's happened?" Jack shouted from the couch.

The look on Matt's face chilled him. "Dana's been in a car accident."  
-


	13. Wherein Jack and Matt go to the Hospital

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

-

The ride to the hospital was deathly quiet. Jack sat motionless in the passenger seat, having a million questions, but not daring to ask. Matt mumbled what might have been prayers under his breath. Once they arrived Matt slipped him into the inner pocket of his black coat.

Jack cursed the darkness. He couldn't tell what was happening or even ask Matt for a clue. The only situational gauge he had was the frantic beating of Matt's heart through the thin material. It grew steadily faster as time passed.

'And here I am, about as useful as that damned monkey.' Jack tried to quell the rising rage in his own chest.

'You've got to be calm now.' The annoying inner voice said. 'For _Dana's _sake.'

Jack took a sharp breath. Dana. Had her bones been broken? Was she dying? Incapacitated in some way that would leave her 'simple' or worse? Matt had only explained the bare essentials of what a 'car accident' could mean, and they had no idea just how bad Dana's accident had been.

Jack was startled out of these thoughts when Matt lifted him out of the pocket. They were alone in what appeared to be a washroom.

"Mrs. Braxton told me what's going on." Matt looked a little less worried. "Dana was banged up pretty good in the accident, but it's mostly just bruising. Her ankle is worse for the wear though and she'll have a splint for the next few weeks, but she's going to be fine."

Jack sighed in relief. "Thank the lord."

"We can see her, but it has to be quick. I can't risk anyone seeing you." Matt said. "Not to mention she needs rest."

Jack's first impulse was to argue, but he restrained it. However much he disliked Matt, Dana was more important. Matt slipped the pirate back into his jacket pocket.

'Until Dana is well enough to come home I'm going to be stuck with this sod.' Jack realized with dismay. The loud clik of a door shutting intruded on this thought.

"Oh God, Dana…" Matt said quietly. Jack waited for a response from the teen, but there was none. After a few more moments Matt fished him out.

Dana lay asleep on the grayish hospital cot.

Jack had seen a lot of carnage at sea, and the injuries that Dana had sustained were a good deal less horrific than he'd feared. A bandage ran across her forehead, stained ever so slightly pink. Her face and arms were covered with small bruises and scrapes. One eye had been blackened. Her legs were covered, but one seemed lumpier than the other.

'The splint.' Jack realized as Matt set him onto a beside table.

Matt sat on the bedside chair and lay his hands gently on her shoulders. His back was to Jack, but the Pirate thought he spotted several drops of water falling from the teen's facial area. He kindly pretended not to notice.

Dana's good eye blinked several times and she squinted at him. "Hi honey."

Matt leaned over and kissed her gently. "Hi sweetie."

"Where's my glasses? They took my contacts." She motioned vaguely at the table.

"Over here." Matt reached over Jack, picking up a set of square-ish black framed glasses.

"Thanks." Dana put them on.

"I didn't even know you had glasses." Jack piped up.

"Jack." Dana gave a sigh of relief, and picked him up. "I wondered what had happened with you."

"I wouldn't leave him home alone." Matt replied, squeezing her other hand. She set Jack onto the pillow beside her.

"Well no, someone may have seen him." She replied.

"Uh, actually…"

"Did Ian find him?" Dana asked calmly.

"Yeah." Matt said sheepishly.

"Is he gonna be cool about it?" She continued.

"Yeah."

"Okay then."

"You're being awfully calm about this." Jack observed.

"I won't be once the morphine wears off." She replied, grinning. Matt laughed.

"Why did I think even a totaled car could stop you from being a smartass?"

"It was _totaled_?"

"Er…"

"Psych! I already knew."

Jack watched the verbal joust, feeling very awkward. When a woman was involved he was usually part of a love triangle, not merely a third wheel. The easygoing manner the two before him were sharing, even in this place, only made him feel deeper out of place.

This time Dana didn't notice his displacement. She and Matt were talking in more serious tones, he telling her about his fear after the news of her accident, she calming him. After a few more minutes she gave a tired sigh. Matt stood up.

"You need rest." He said. "I should get out of your hair."

"You need rest too, you have work." She reminded him. "They're letting me out of here tomorrow. Maybe you can swing by my house?"

"Not a problem." He kissed her forehead.

"As long as your going to be alright." Jack said, trying to be 'the adult'.

She nodded. "I'll be fine as long as you two are getting alone. I expect both of you to be in one piece tomorrow."

"If I've survived with 'im this long another night won't kill me." He said.

Dana reclined back onto the pillow, her eyeline sinking below Jack's. "Good."

He looked up at Matt. "I want you to know, this is _not _romantically intended."

Before the teen could respond, Jack had leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"And to think, if this was any other place, I may have swooned." Dan smiled at him.

"Try that when she's not in the hospital and I'll swat you flat." Matt picked the pirate up.

"Of course." Jack grinned up at him, knowing the threat was only in jest.

'Hoping it was, anyway.'

-

They'd left the hospital shortly afterwards. Matt switched on the car's stereo system, treating Jack to a loud rendition of 'La Vie Boehm.'

It seemed, for the moment anyway, the boyfriend and the buccaneer had made peace.

-


	14. Wherein Jack is discussed at length

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

-

I don't understand what's wrong with him! It's not a hangover, its like he'd dead." Gibbs growled. "Its like witch…like a curse."

Tia Dalma's eyes flicked over the prone body of Jack Sparrow. He was barely breathing and his heartbeat was so faint as to be almost nonexistent.

The Captain had been found by Gibbs, unconscious in the street. The older man had assumed the rum-bottle in Sparrow's possession had caused the state. That had been three nights ago. Finally, he'd ordered the crew to sail upriver and seek her help.

"It is an enchantment." She said after a few more moments. "An' its one I'm very familiar wit. Jack got a hold of one of _my _potions."

"But he found this in a colony." Gibbs argued.

"You tink Jack is de only white man I deal wit, Gibbs?"

"Well, you can fix it, right?"

"Oh yes, I can bring Jack home. It'll take a while to get de proper ingredients, but I can do it." She laid a hand on his head. "I just hope Jack's in a safe place."

"He's right there." Gibbs said, confused.

Tia Dalma threw him a glare. "His _body _is dere, ya daft git. Jack himself is far away. The potion he took separates de soul from de body and sends it to an empty vessel."

"Another body?"

"No. Dis potion sends de soul into a special object." Tia Dalma replied. "Jack is in an object with which 'e has kinship. A doll that resembles the victim is used. When an enemy is de size of a toy, is be far easier to kill dem. But as no doll was present when Jack drank it, 'e could be anywhere, in any place, any _time_."

Gibbs was looking quite pale. "So Jack is somewhere strange, alone, and he's only inches high?"

"Most likely."

The man thought this over for a moment. "Wherever he is, I hope there's alcohol, or someone poor sod going to be very sorry."

-

Jack actually _was _drinking rum at that moment. Matt had provided him with the drink after several hours of cajoling. Now, the two were stretched out on the couch, watching what Matt called 'Dragon ball Zee'.

A door in the hall opening was Jack's only warning. Matt, realizing his father had woken early for work, threw a throw pillow on top of the pirate. He leaned nonchalantly on top of it.

"Hi Dad."

The Father's reply was muffled, as it came to Jack though the padding. He struggled to unsheathe his sword and give Matt a vicious poking, but couldn't quite manage. After a few minutes Matt picked the pillow up.

"Wot the bloody hell-"

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't let him see you!" Matt hissed. "Not to mention I had to fill him in about Dana."

The apology caught the captain off guard. "Well…alright then."

"He's already left, so we should be okay until I go to work in the morning." Matt frowned slightly. "Can I trust you not to ruin anything, or do I need to get the hamster cage again? I'll be back in the afternoon."

"When have I ever ruined anything?" Jack shot back.

Matt opened his mouth to reply 'Will and Elizabeth's wedding' but caught himself.

"I'm just making sure." He said instead.

Jack squinted suspiciously at him, but let it go.

-

"I don't understand why its taking so _long_." Gibbs complained.

"Because if I jus' snatch 'im back like dat he could die." Tia Dalma said between her clenched, black teeth. She was mixing ingredients into a large black pot. "Do ya want Jack back in one piece or not? Because I can do it de other way…"

"No, no take all the time you need.." Gibbs said hurriedly.

"Alright den."

-

Dana lay stretched across the hospital cot. Her Mother and Father were filling out her insurance forms, so she had a moment to herself. Her fingers skimmed the room's phone, but she didn't pick it up. She was too tired for another conversation with her boyfriend. The one they'd had earlier had been emotionally draining. Not to mention the surprise affection she'd received from Jack.

'Didn't the kid in 'Indian in the Cupboard' figure out a way to send the native home by this time?' She mused.

'Well, its not like the problem is on my end. If Jack's normal body is still in his universe, it must have been found by now. Maybe Tia Dalma can help get him back.'

That thought gave the woman pause. If Tia Dalma was called on to get Jack home, would that change his future? Would the events of 'Dead Man's Chest' still happen?

Dana shook her head. Multi-dimensional time travel was even more complicated than she'd imagined.

'And it figures that you're the kind of person who would imagine it.'

-

Jack awoke to utter silence. Matt had already left for work, leaving the tiny pirate alone in his room/crate. Jack paced for a moment before climbing out. He wasn't going to spend his time confined here.

He jumped to the floor, boots wobbling unsteadily on the rumpled clothing. Mid-morning light shone in, giving him a rough estimate of the time. He still had several hours before Matt came back.

He walked under the bunk, his gait rolling with an invisible tide. An ornate carved box caught his eye. Jack pried the top off.

An array of huge golden coins met Jack's eyes. Eagerly he reached for one-

'How exactly do you plan on stealing a coin that large?' The inner voice spoke up.

"Bugger." His hand dropped back to his side.

The blunt reminder of exactly how tiny he was derailed the pirate's pillaged-minded train of thought. He walked slowly back to the mountain of clothes and sat down.

"If I don't regain my stature soon I'm going to go off my head." He groaned.

'More so.' The voice added.

"I know you're myself mate, but you're still annoying."

'A conscious is supposed to be.' The voice replied kindly.

Jack shook his head. "Of all the bloody times to gain a _conscious_…"

'I've always been here, you just don't listen much.'

Jack sighed. This was not how he'd wanted to spend the few hours he had to himself.

'As long as your listening, lets discuss the last few years of your life…Starting with Giselle.'

"Blast."

-


	15. Wherein Jack is back

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

-

Matt unlocked the front door with trepidation. The possibility of Jack not wreaking anything had seemed much more likely when he left for work than it did right now.

Much to his surprise, the Pirate was sitting in his room, apparently in deep thought. Matt cleared his throat, breaking Jack's trance.

"Oh. 's you." Jack said with little emotion.

"Yeah, its me. You ready to go back to Dana's?"

"More than you could possibly know."

-

Dana was now stretched across her own couch, having been released from the hospital. She flipped boredly though the six channels her TV offered, finding nothing remotely entertaining.

"If I could sit at the computer I could at least watch Freakazoid cartoons." She sighed. Her ankle wouldn't allow for that, however, unless she got onto her new crutches.

A knock at the door snapped her attention from this train of thought. "Matt?"

"Yeah!" Matt yelled back.

"Key's on the ledge, c'mon in!" She called.

Matt fumbled with the key for a moment, having to set the box/room down to do so. Jack didn't say anything at this, but rolled his eyes slightly. He was going to be very happy to say goodbye to the Whelp.

Matt picked the box back up and peeked in the doorway.

"Avon calling."

"Veeeery funny." Dana replied.

Barking brought everyone's attention to the floor. Three white and black spotted dogs began sniffing Matt and trying to jump on him.

"Ack! Sampson, NO! Muggle, Delia, stop! Down!" Dana yelled.

After a few slurps, the dogs seemed to lose interest and dissipated.

"And those, I presume, would be your three ferocious pets?" Jack said as Matt set the box down.

"Hey, they're a lot more intimidating if they don't know you." Dana replied. "They've know Matt for years."

"Yeah, and that still doesn't stop Sampson from trying to kill me." Matt replied, sitting down.

"He's a psycho, but he's a good boy." Dana cooed as the aforementioned dog approached her. "He was abused, he doesn't know any better. Who's a good boy?"

Sampson rolled onto his back and Dana rubbed his tummy.

"A complete maniac, no doubt." Jack smirked at Matt.

"Shut up."

-

"Dere. Its ready." Tia Dalma pronounced. Gibbs gave her a slightly skeptical look.

"It, um…It looks like liquor."

"Aye, that's so." The Voodoo woman agreed, pouring it into a funnel-shaped bottle. She stood over Jack.

"I'm gonna need silence for dis, so don't be askin' stupid questions." She glared at him.

"Whatever you say." Gibbs held his hands up.

Slowly, she leaned over Jack, and poured the drink into his mouth.

"Drink up Jack."

-

Jack kept a watchful eye on the sleeping dogs from his perch on Dana's shoulder. Just because they seemed harmless now was no guarantee they wouldn't try and eat him when his guard was down.

"…And that's how I caught him." Matt finished telling Dana the whole story of Jack's escape.

"Well, the important thing is you got him back."

"You're still a little mad, aren't you?"

"Oh yeah."

"Okay, just checking."

"If you hadn't been such a git I wouldn't have done anything." Jack said defensively.

"Uh-huh." came the skeptic reply from both teens.

Dana snuggled against Matt, causing Jack to wobble on her opposite shoulder.

"Would you mind not d-"

Jack sentence was cut off by a sharp gasp of pain.

"Are you okay?" Dana placed him onto the arm of the couch.

"I…don't know." Jack had one arm clutched over his stomach. "It feels like-OW!"

"What's wrong now?" Matt sounded alarmed.

Jack had doubled over from the blinding pain. His entire body felt like it was being doused in the coldest waters of the sea, while his skin was being flayed. He let out a gasp, sure that some vital fluid would start leaking from his mouth at any moment.

"Jack!" Dana's voice was wobbling. "What is it?"

"Being…ripped apart." Jack managed though clenched teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut.

There were more sounds; yelling, screaming, the ocean at full storm; all faded after a few moments. The pain went with them. Jack slowly opened his eyes.

A familiar face stared down at him.

"Jack?" Tia Dalma said quietly.

-

Don't fret, there's one more chapter coming!


	16. Wherein its the end

"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

(Be sure to stay after the chapter (AKA, look at the bottom after you've finished reading) for a special announcement!)

-

Jack eyes flew over the familiar room.

" 'Ow the bloody hell did I get here?" He demanded, sitting up.

The sensation of his feet actually hitting the floor startled him into ignoring the joyous shouts of Gibbs. He rejoiced for a moment in being normal size, forgetting the fact he'd just be snatched hundreds of miles (not to mention years and a whole dimension) away.

"Thank the Mother and Child you're back!" Gibbs gave Jack a hearty slap on the back.

"Where were you?" Tia Dalma demanded. "'Ow far did de potion send you?"

The overwhelmed Captain just shook his head. "Wot the blood hell did you two do?"

Gibbs looked startled at this. "We brought you back. Tia Dalma said the rum you drank was really a potion to send you to a doll, but we didn't know where that doll was."

"Where and when did you go?" Tia Dalma demanded again.

"The year of our lord two thousand and six." Jack replied.

"Two thousand and-"

"Aye, that far, as well as to a country that doesn't exist yet." Jack cut Gibbs off.

"Dat's veeery interesting." Tia Dalma said after a moment.

Jack suddenly paled. "Good lord, Dana!"

"Who?"

"It was her doll that I was, er, transferred to." Jack said. "She…well to be honest, she took care of me."

"A _woman _took care of _you_?"

"Yes Gibbs, I allowed a woman to look over me, but please take into consideration that I was THIS BLOODY TALL!" Jack roared, making a size between his hands.

"Oh."

"She'll be worried about me." Jack continued. "I need to tell her its alright."

"Well, Tia Dalma was the one who made the original potion you got hold of." Gibbs said darkly.

"Can you send me back? Just long enough to tell her I'm alright?" Jack asked.

"No." She shook her head.

"Why?" Jack demanded.

"For one ting, I can't guarantee you'd go to de same doll. For another, you had a hard time with de journey back 'ere, going back dere so soon would kill you. De potion was never meant for two way travelin'!"

Jack's heart sank. "So I can't tell her I'm alright."

'And you'll never see her again.' The inner voice interjected sadly.

That thought brought him dangerously close to despair. His shoulders slumped.

Tia Dalma tapped one long nail on her chin.

"You cannot go to her, but dere may be a way."

-

Dana stared in disbelief at the…_object _in her hands.

'Yes, object.' Her own inner voice supplied. 'Because its not alive so its not a _him _anymore. It's an…it.'

In her hands was the same action figure she'd bought less than a week ago. The sword was once again dull plastic, the tri-corner hat inflexible rubber instead of cloth. The painted on eyes stared dully into the air, no spark of intelligence behind them. The living weight of the captain was gone, replaced by the strange lightness of plastic.

"What…happened?" Mat asked breathlessly.

Dana shook her head. "I don't know. He might have gone home or…he might be dead."

"He's not dead." Matt almost snapped.

"He was in pain, Matt. He was _screaming_." Tears began to fall onto the lifeless form in her hands.

"Dana, please don't cry, I'm sure he's fine." Matt said, fighting his own inner voice of doom.

Dana bit back a sob. "But what if he's not? I mean…He's my friend."

She expected the statement to sound childish in her own ears. Strangely, it didn't.

She slowly laid the figure back into the box/room at her feet.

"Put it in my room. Please." She said in low tones. "And be careful. J…just in case."

Matt nodded and lifted the box. He carried it to her dresser, setting it down with far more care than he'd done when Jack had actually been in it. He returned to the couch, wrapping his arms around the quietly sobbing woman.

"I'm sure he's fine." He slowly wiped a tear from her cheek. "Remember-he's Captain Jack Sparrow."

Dana let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob. She lay against him, her face buried in his chest. Matt stroked her hair, whispering soothing nothings.

As the two lay there, immeasurable miles from the captain, there was no way for them to know yet another impossible series of events was being set into motion.

-

The End…but…

Yes, my beloved readers, due to the overwhelming popularity of this story I've decide to write a sequel! Originally, I'd been 'on the fence' as to whether or not I would need to write a second chronicle to fit all of the things I wanted into the story, but it appears now that I do. Its not too far off either, as I've already got a chapter or so under my belt. : ) As they say "Keep a weather eye on the horizon." It'll be up within a month or two I think.

Once again, I'd like to thank all my readers and reviewers. I've never felt so good as I have seeing the little 'review for 'So Lifelike!' ' message in my mailbox. You're they ones who make it all worthwhile.

Until we meet again…


End file.
